To all the Sex & the City fans...you know this man is irresistible. He is charming and confident. We crumble at his smoothness and his alpha-dog character. Time after time, we are victim of it. I dated two very similar men, who fit this description to a tee. One was over two years ago; the other was a few months ago. Why didn't I pick up on this until after both "relationships" were done? Well, I will say that we tend to only notice those kinds of details until after the events already occur.
The first man, who I will call Max, was a few years older, career-oriented, and cocky. He was cocky for an unknown reason because he could have doubled as a possible horse jockey. (I must remember in New York, height requirements for some women are less particular, but not for me.) Going into this, I knew it wouldn't have worked, because at the time I was in my last year living in a college dorm and he was living in Connecticut at the time. Once, he even had the chutzpah to criticize where my dormitory was in the city, stating "I don't go above 86th street", even though he lived in Connecticut. I guess he had never looked at a map to realize that Connecticut was much farther north than East 86th street. There were so many other red flags of his arrogance and selfishness. We would have plans for a date and he would cancel hours before. Once he even canceled, and since it was the second time he did that, I was very upset with him. Then, he called back an hour later saying it was back on, only to call a third time later on, saying in fact, he couldn't make it. Why he couldn't make it, I never really understood. What I did understand was that he didn't care enough to actually see me in person. Our "dating" was reduced to IM chatting and talking on the phone. As a fresh 21-year old I didn't know this would lead to nothing. If a man doesn't want to spend time with you, it's a safe assumption to make that he's probably not that interested in it going anywhere. About a week or two later, he told me he needed to focus on his new job and he couldn't do that while dating someone.
Two years go by, and the next Mr. Big makes his first appearance. He will be referred to as Jake. Oh, was he alluring and intoxicating. The first time I ever spoke to him (which was on the phone), we talked for over four hours. It was like talking to an old friend who you really wanted to sleep with. We met the next night. The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way he carried himself...irresistible. He did mention to me, despite our unbelievable connection that he had been in a five year relationship, single for a month, than had hopped into 4 year relationship. He was newly single and clearly enjoying that. Despite the red flags he proudly showed to me, I didn't care. I thought this was different. The connection was strong. The first night we ever kissed he told me he had been waiting for lips like mine for 28 years. Those kinds of comments never ended (in fact, they still haven't). I couldn't control myself. We went out again that Saturday night, and it was amazing. He was the man both on paper and in real life I had dreamt of. He also had a great advantage to Max as he was more established in his work, better looking and very, very funny.
Unfortunately my dating life seems to follow Murphy's Law, so the next day everything changed with Mr. Big #2.
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